I love how recapping Xena sounds like you’re talking about your AO3 bookmarks…
-1940s Indiana Jones AU
-Xena and Gabrielle are cloned into modern times by Xena fans. Hilarity ensues.
-Xena and Gabrielle are reincarnated, find eachother again, get married.
-A reporter follows Gabrielle and Xena around trying to find out if they’re banging. Don’t ask me why there’s a modern reporter in Ancient Greece this is just crack fic lol
-ANGEL/DEMON AU
-Xena commissions a Sappho poem for Gabrielle’s birthday and they fly off into the sunset.
-WAGNER’S RING CYCLE AU
-what if Xena was a real person and the TV show is just based on her real adventures.
… but no. Those are all literal, actual things that happened in the show.
Xena is one stoic hoe. Gets shot in the neck with poison dart. Pockets it and doesn’t bother to mention it. Realizes she’s going to go blind while saving her friend. Moves on with a slightly annoyed look. Gets stuck in her nemesis’s body. Doesn’t seem flustered. Asks for a bowl of water after a fight. Casually spits out a jaw tooth. Allows herself to be hung upside down and beaten nearly to death to stay undercover. Makes a joke about it right after. But, man, you even suggest that you’re gonna fuck with Gabrielle, and that woman becomes one sublime dramatic hoe.
Molly's Monsters 