ao3tagoftheday:

When you have a very big question, it helps to break it up into smaller questions. Instead of asking “am I a boy” consider asking yourself some of these questions:

How do I feel when I hear someone say my name?

How do I feel when I hear someone call me “she”?

How do I feel when I hear someone refer to me as a girl?

What kind of aesthetic look do I want for myself? Is that look masculine? Feminine? Something else?

How do I feel about various aspects of my body? Is there anything I’d like to change?

Has there ever been a time when something about my current gender identity or expression made me happy? When was that and why did it feel good?

Has there ever been a time when something about my current gender identity or expression made me unhappy? When was that and what about it upset me?

Which people in my life do I most identify with and want to emulate? What gender(s) are they and how do they express their gender(s)?

In which groups of people do I feel most comfortable? What genders are the people in these groups and what are the gender dynamics in these groups?

What adjectives best describe who I want to be as a person? How can I apply those adjectives to my gender or gender expression?

Is my current gender identity fun? If it is, what’s fun about it? If it isn’t, what can I do to make it more fun?

Is there anyone whose body, gender, or gender expression I’m envious of? What exactly do those people have that I want?

You don’t have to have answers to all of these questions. Or any of them. But you should think about them. Gender is made up of a lot of complicated fragments, and it’s not as simple as “just knowing”. There’s no absolute truth of your identity hanging out in the ether waiting to be discovered. Fundamentally, you don’t need to figure out what you are. You need to figure out what you want to be. Your identity should be whatever makes you feel happiest, most comfortable, most settled in your own skin. There’s nothing wrong with not knowing what that is yet, and there’s nothing wrong with playing around a little (or a lot) in order to figure it out.

I’m always here if you need to talk to me. You can message me here or at my personal @boytranscending.

journeyintomanhood:

Every few months now it seems as though some website publishes something about how hot some trans men are. While I strongly believe in the idea that trans is beautiful and trans people should be able to celebrate themselves I highly dislike these types of articles and would like them to stop. Here is why:

1. They always rely on shock value 

The underlying message of these types of articles are “can you believe that these men were once women” which is transphobic and invalidates trans men who were never women despite how the world perceived us. 

2. It reinforces cis curiousity about trans bodies 

Cis curiosity in trans bodies is nothing new. These types of articles reinforce the idea that trans people are merely something interesting to look at and not real people. 

3. It tells us we’re only valuable if we fit their idea of attractive 

There is very little representations of trans men out there. When the only representations we see are of one type of person being celebrated for how they look it feels like society doesn’t care about you if you don’t look like that. It sends the message that unless you are a white, in shape, conventionally attractive guy who “passes” then you don’t matter and won’t be celebrated. 

hobbitsaarebas:

jenniferrpovey:

hopeology:

jenniferrpovey:

anartificialaspidistra:

thedeadflag:

This is actually a form of institutional violence that trans people, largely trans women, face.

To copy-paste from a previous post I made on this matter:

Growing up, I had a few trans lady friends who were hyped about being openly/visibly butch and/or gnc trans women when they began transitioning.

Three of the bunch committed suicide after basically being blacklisted out of access to medical transition. Others were wealthy enough to be able to move to where they could have a second or third shot. A femme trans lady friend forgot to apply nail polish and makeup to one of her sessions with her doctor, and that led to him keeping her from medical resources for the next two years of care, and she, as well, ended up killing herself. I could keep listing story after story with similar narratives and endings, it’s really pretty common.

Gatekeeping, whether it’s within a medical context, or a social one, relies on heavily policing trans women to prescribe to normative gender expressions dialed up to 11. We don’t, and we tend to suffer. And I don’t think it’s at all fair to cast blame on trans women who follow those norms, not when our survival is paramount and we’re coerced into those conditions via potentially fatal consequences.

Like, I’m a sloppy/lazy femme in terms of my expression, often shifting towards the hoodie and jeans aesthetic because it’s just comfy, but every doctor’s appointment, every tribunal over my transition, best believe I was probably among the most stereotypically feminine presenting ladies those docs saw that day. Not a chance I’d risk it. Every job interview, every meeting when I was looking for housing, same deal. Survival wins over the microscopic impact I might have on the reproduction of gender norms in those instances, especially when my continued survival means I can live to fight those (and other) battles in other ways less tied to my survival.

So, to be blunt and concise, it’s not trans folks upholding harmful notions of gender. It’s cis folks…cis men and cis women, weaponizing society against us to uphold gender norms through us because we’re deemed as threats and as less legitimate, so our standards are often exponentially higher than our cis counterparts.

Like, I live in liberal Canada, and this gatekeeping shit still happens. I have sat down and taught so many trans people how to strategize and what language to use, what narratives will provide the path of least resistance, so that we can get what we need in the aggressively oppressive system we live in.

Like, as a young child, I played hockey, I liked micro-machines, I liked video games, I liked climbing trees, riding bikes, building forts, and track & field.

I told my therapist that in my third session when she asked about my childhood, just minutes after telling me she felt I was ready for hormones. I had to endure 23 more sessions with her, spread across the next year and a half, to get back to where I was mid-way through that third session, a long enough time for her to forget enough about those remarks on my childhood, before I could get access to hormones. When she asked about my childhood again in the 22nd or 23rd session, I told her I played with dolls, and that secretly, my favourite colour was pink as a child, and that I yearned to play house but no one would play with me, that I’d try on my mom’s shoes and some of her clothes, etc. etc. And after I tossed out enough cliche elements of the standard narrative (basically painting myself as a very heterosexual hyper-feminine 50′s housewife), I got access. I can’t say that if I ever got interviewed on public media that I’d stray from that safe narrative, because chances are, my doctors would/could see, and I could lose access to healthcare, employment, housing, etc.

Like I said, I’ve had friends who forgot to wear nail polish and were punished for it. I had a friend…in the dead of winter…who wore pants to an appointment and was suddenly told by the doctor that he had no confidence that she was a ‘real’ trans woman. A trans dude friend of mine got in a car wreck and had busted up ribs, and couldn’t wear his binder comfortably for a while, and his doctor refused to renew his prescription to T. He eventually had to find a new doctor, endure the waiting list, and get back on, which took like, 9 months.

So if we’re saying things like that, it’s almost always a self-defense mechanism. It’s very hard to tell who we can trust, and who has the power to derail our transitions, or kill our support networks, etc. And while I’m sure if all trans people revolted and told the truth, it might help disrupt that system of norms and standards and gatekeeping, but I could never ask others like me to take a stand on principle that would likely kill a great many of them. I know that without HRT, I wouldn’t survive more than maybe three months, it’s really that simple, and I know so many others in the same boat. It’d be like walking into a building burning from a three-alarm fire to try and activate the inactive sprinkler system, instead of calling the fire department to put it out. This isn’t our responsibility. 

I think it’s important to remember that trans people who are coerced into expressing these narratives are a tiny demographic, so our ability to significantly ‘reproduce’ or ‘essentialize’ any gender norms is negligible at best. And that in the overwhelming majority of the world, trans folks have to comply with exaggerated gender norms for our gender simply for survival. And that survival must take precedence over worries of us reproducing harm that we’d only be reproducing because cis people can’t get their heads out of their asses over their need to police everything about our bodies and our lives.

Like, in case you’re not aware, the “born in the wrong body” language stemmed from trans patients decades and decades ago, who were being experimented on, sterilized, mutilated, and tortured. Eventually doctors listened to us and our pleas to just treat our dysphoria, but our language didn’t fit necessarily with their worldview. They couldn’t accept that pre-transition trans men and trans women were actually men/women. That we had men’s/women’s bodies. That we were male/female. So we were coerced into using their language for us, in order to get the treatment we needed, to get any shred of support we could get. The cis-dominated structures of science and medicine are to blame for that sexism, cissexism, essentialism, etc. as well.

We’re just trying to get the help we need in a world that does not want us to get that help, and will generally only provide it if we tell them everything they want to hear. Some of the greener, fresh out of the closet trans folks push that sort of language/narrative hard, because it’s what they’re exposed to, it’s what they’re taught keeps them safe, and it’s pretty wrong to be critical of someone for surviving and actively reducing harm against themselves from society at large.

So if you get the urge to criticize a trans person for bringing that sort of thing up, maybe instead criticize the structures that prevent us from saying anything else.

This is really interesting and a perspective I hadn’t ever considered.

Trans men and women are pressured into performing masculinity or femininity more than cis men and women.

I used to think that trans people tended to be that way, then I realized society pressures them into it.

Whilst I, as a cis woman, can get away with speaking in public in jeans and a button down shirt (I do like to femme out when I feel like it, mind), a trans woman has to wear a dress and heels.

I, as a cis woman, can follow motor sports and like Top Gear. A trans woman who likes those things has to hide them.

And not only is this oppressive, but the pushing of trans women into stereotypically feminine roles can deny society the talents they may possess in traditionally masculine areas. The expectation to perform extreme femininity is likely to push trans women out of STEM, for example.

Trans men, on the other hand, are pushed even more into toxic masculinity and “macho” values than cis men. I don’t think it’s as much of a gap because the extreme forcing of gender roles is actually worse for men than it is for women. I can wear a pantsuit. If my husband were to wear a skirt… (He wouldn’t, he’s not the type, but…)

The moment I announced my transition to the public, someone I worked with on a professional level asked, incredulously, when I was going to start “dressing like a woman.”

I was wearing Tripp pants, a tank top, with a bra, and sneakers. I asked him what a woman dresses like? His answer “Well, that opens a whole can of worms.”

Yeah, you see what happened right there? Women are not expected to dress a certain way. But if I want to be seen as a woman, I have to dress drastically different from what I did before. I have to “show I want it.”

On top of that, if I hadn’t told my psychologist about how when I was a child I didn’t feel comfortable playing with boys or sports, she wouldn’t have approved me for Estrogen. She told me that because I didn’t wear makeup and lipstick, it was hard to “justify transitioning.”

We don’t do this to force women into feminine roles, but we are punished, neglected, and killed if we don’t match up with “feminine” or “masculine” based on what other people expect. It’s terrifying.

I think cis women are pushed into feminine roles. I have failed to get jobs because I insisted on wearing flats or did not wear makeup.

But trans women get it worse, because they are constantly having to prove that they’re women. And ironically, some of the people who harass trans women the most are the same people who tell cis women they’re “supporting patriarchy” if they wear makeup. (I only wear makeup when I have an actual reason to, because dang it, that stuff is expensive and annoying!).

I’m a trans therapist and I advise my trans clients to straight up lie to their doctors and other psychologists/psychiatrists if it gets them hormones. I tell them to make up the whatever stereotyped, unrealistic “trans narratives” they need to if it will get them access to hormones and surgeries they need. The medical system is not set up to protect or help us, it’s set up to safeguard cis people from being like us. 

This is why the entire idea of gatekeeping and everything relating to it needs to be burned to the ground. If anyone tells you gatekeeping is a good idea–no matter whether they are cis or trans–they are wrong and they are condemning trans people to death. 

dracofidus:

If anyone was wondering how Britain is doing transphobia wise… it’s BAD.

• The government backed down from a promise that trans people could self-identify instead of having to spend hundreds of pounds to send a complex dossier to a panel of judges who’ve never met you, who decide what gender you “really” are.
• A group of transphobic “feminists” are touring the country, holding meetings where they sit around and denigrate trans women in the name of “debate”
• The same group were invited into the Palace of Wesminster (parliament) and held a meeting there, where transgender people were (illegally) banned, and, in the heart of our democracy, dead named, misgendered, and called trans women “parasites” and not only did no newspapers report it, nothing has been done to oppose or condemn it, despite complaints.
• Trans people, and trans children, are being doxxed.
• The ceo of the UK’s biggest charity that supports trans and gnc kids and their families has had to call in the police because of the amount of hate crimes and threats she has received.
• Transphobic women are “self identifying” as trans to swim topless at men’s swimming sessions to protest laws that were passed 18 years ago, and which apparently are a threat to women.
• Yes, their aim is to rescind any legal protections transgender people have.
• The national press publish a transphobic article almost daily now.
• Transphobes flooded a government consultation on trans rights, pretending to be all kinds of people in order to sabotage our rights.
• It’s become almost impossible to source gel testosterone and nobody knows why (it took me visiting eight pharmacies in two cities to get just half my prescription)

It’s horrific.

Britain is a steaming trash fire and transphobia is rife.