I mean MY GOD is being alive on a Sunday absolutely miserable.
I literally want to throw up I feel so lousy.
I’ve always been lucky to never really have a problem with self-esteem issues/insecurities, but I am no longer so lucky and my goodness is it dreadful! I’d rather feel worse about nothing than feel this bad about me. I can feel it’s just so damaging. (I don’t need cheering up/praise or anything. It’s appreciated, but my insecurities are too specific for that.)
I cried in therapy for the first time this week. I’m the kind of person who cries at the drop of a hat for fiction, but never about real life. I cried literally the entire show of Hello, Dolly! last week but it’s been literal years since I cried about my life.
I just want to die so badly.
My best friend hasn’t really talked to me since we got back from New York. I called him on it on Friday and he said it was just because the post-vacation week was so weird and I get that. But he hasn’t talked to me since then either. And my brain is assuming the worst. I’ve needed to have a conversation with him for a while about how he feels about me but it’s always seemed awkward and I was terrified of the answers. Now I wish I’d done it months ago.
Maybe I’ll go to Love, Simon tonight. Try to distract myself from my own existence.
Molly's Monsters 