My Breakup Playlist

Recorded for posterity’s sake. Some songs are mostly just for a line or two. Some the whole song.

1. Another Winter in a Summer Town (Grey Gardens)–Really just the “Oh god/my god” part at the end. Doubles also because I went to see him in this show four times.

2. It’s Over, Isn’t It? (Steven Universe)

3. Time Heals Everything (Mack and Mabel)

4. On My Own (Les Miserables)–”Without me, his world would go on turning.”

5. I’m Thru With Love (Some Like It Hot)

6. Like It Was (Merrily We Roll Along)

7. I Miss the Music (Curtains)–This is an odd placement considering this one is the one I feel the strongest.

8. Goodbye to You (It’s not FROM Buffy, but I think of it as a Buffy song) To break up the stark tragedy I feel from I Miss the Music.

9. The Man That Got Away (A Star Is Born)

10. We Do Not Belong Together (Sunday in the Park With George)–”And we should have belonged together. I have to move on.”

11. When She Loved Me (Toy Story 2)–I might take this off, but also I might not.

12. My Man (Funny Girl)

13. Not a Day Goes By (Merrily We Roll Along)

14. I Dreamed a Dream (Les Miserables)

15. Where Do We Go From Here? (This one actually is from Buffy)

16. The Winner Takes It All (ABBA)

17. Now You Know (Merrily We Roll Along)–This is important. It’s vaguely hopeful about the future without being too hopeful, if you know what I mean. Gotta end with the possibility of living through it.

One of the things that keeps hurting about my friend breakup is that after 8 years, we’re not friends anymore and here I am devastated and there he is…not. I don’t know where he’s at really but if he was really upset much at all about it, we wouldn’t be in this situation. I don’t wish him ill feelings or anything it’s just…8 years of friendship, the last year and a half of which we were best friends and it’s just over and that’s okay with him. I miss him terribly and there’s not much I can do about it but if he missed me, he could do something. But here we are.

I was planning on skipping the Tony Awards this year (first time since 2002) because it was just too painful without my best friend, but then he shocked me by texting me back today and it seemed like maybe we aren’t totally broken up. Anyway, I thought that was going to be enough for me to be able to watch the Tonys but it super duper isn’t, I just cannot do this and ughhhhhhhhh

I’ve drifted and changed relationships with best friends before, but this is the first time it’s been an abrupt one day he and I were friends and then we just weren’t.