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boydetective:

slaughterhousefive:

The brothers’ conversation about The Gambler is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard on MBMBAM and I’ve been unable to forget it for weeks

[Caption: Clip from an episode of My Brother, My Brother, and Me. The majority of the audio involves the three brothers talking over each other and doing impressions.

Transcript:

Justin: How asleep does an old man have to be if he drifts off mid-metaphor? And it just like, I’m gonna, like, how long are you in that car before you’re like, “I’m gonna check this stranger’s pulse.”

Griffin: Yeah.

Justin: This has got, like, this has got–”Uh, ‘scuse–excuse me, is there more? Uh, I gave you a taste of my whiskey. Excuse me, is there more? To the your, uh, to your advice?”

Travis: “The best that I could hope for is die in my sleep?” Fuck you, old man!

Justin: Like, I–

Travis: What about like, you know, being happy and, like, making friends and shit?

Justin: Like each second the old man to, like, wake back up and be like, “Just kidding! Follow your dreams.”

Travis: “One more thing, just one more thing, sorry, I almost forgot–I meant, when I said ‘die in your sleep’, what I meant was ‘wake up and have a great breakfast and maybe face a new day’.”

Justin: “Yeah, and als–one other thing: leave your money in low-risk mutual funds, for, you know, as long–and leave ‘em in there, ‘cause you’re just gonna get hit with interest, but also, do die in your sleep.”

(Amongst laughter) Travis: “Bye!”

Justin: “Tell your friends and family you love ‘em as often as you can, and just remember, like, you know, every day’s an opportunity, and also, like, die in your sleep.”

Griffin, laughing: Die in your sleep, I guess. (Pause) Listen: All of this–

Travis: Hey, old man, are you okay? Like– (laughs) I know you were talking about I seem run down, I’m now worried about you. Are you alright?

Justin: ‘Cause all you want is my booze and to die.

(Jumbled: “Are you okay”s and laughter)

Justin: Yeah, uh–”Listen, son. You’re–I can see you’re having a rough time. I’ve got things all figured out. Let me see if I can help.” (Laughter break) “Do poker good, or do poker bad, either way, die in your sleep.”

Travis: “Okay, bye! You can–You can have what’sever’s in my bag.” (Laughter) “My life is your life now.”

Justin: (Crosstalk) “When he said taste of your whiskey, did this old man just upend the bottle–(Rough voice) “I’m gonna kill myself with whiskey now, good night.”

Griffin: Or, the whiskey was poisoned. This is a song about killing the gambler.

(Laughter, particularly from Travis)

Justin, singing: “And then I realized that I was the greatest gambler, ‘cause the old greatest gambler died, and now I was the best gambler.” (Laughter, false starts) “Then I felt the quick’ning, and his gambling skill jumped into me, ‘cause this is the way that gambling works, no one will ever admit it.”

Griffin: Um,–

Travis, singing: “I’m wearing all his rings, and I stole his ident’ty”–I couldn’t make that fit, I had to–(crosstalk)

Justin: (crosstalk) “This has been the plot to Now You See Me 3.”

(Long laugh break)

Travis: “Fuck.”

Griffin: Listen, all of this happens in the song “The Gambler”, but it’s all really lessons about being good at poker, ‘cause not a lot of people know this, but most of Kenny Rogers’ songs are just kind of walkthroughs for various games. So he has this one song called “Ocarina of Time”, and it’s like, “Go to Kakariko Village, and race against Dampe, get yourself the hook shot to get in the forest temple.”

Justin, singing: “Don’t ever keep a knight on the side of the board. They’re much better pieces when they’re active in the center.”

Travis: That’s actually–I was watching the World Series of Poker once, and Phil Mickelson was down, and everyone was like, “Woah, what’s he gonna do, like, he’s clearly beat,” and they’d already, like, gone all in, turned the cards over, and he died in his sleep and won automatically. (Laughter) And, like, everyone was blown away, ‘cause they’d never seen that maneuver before. And then they checked his Walkman and he was listening to “The Gambler” on repeat, and they were like “Holy shit, he’s a genius.” (Crosstalk)

Griffin: (Crosstalk) And that’s sort of a weird thorough-line through all of Mr. Rogers’s songs. It’s like, “Scoop up the fish, go to Jabu-Jabu, die in your sleep.” Wait, why do I, I was just about to– (Travis laughs over Griffin’s words)–get the spiritual stone of water.

Travis: (crosstalk) “This is a pro-strat runthrough,” (starts singing) “if you’re trying to get a hundred percent, also you gotta die in your sleep.” Wait, hold on–that just can’t–

Justin: (crosstalk) “When you knock the painting over, to the other people in 13 Dead End Drive, then you go to sleep and you die, and then everybody died.”

Travis: “And then Nathan and his brother, they’re searching for the treasure. You gotta jump on the cliff, and then you die in your sleep.” Wait, hold on– (Crosstalk)

Griffin: (Crosstalk) “Level up Chie Satonaka, until she learns Bufu, use it in boss fights, die in your sleep.”

(Long laugh break)

Justin, high-pitched and straining from laughing: That’s just when he gets stuck in the game– (incomphrensible due to laughter)

Justin, normal voice: “I don’t know what to do next… It’s gotta be a glitch. Maybe die in your sleep?” (Laughter) I mean, you will have finished the game in a very literal sense, but you only made it to level two of Crash Bandicoot, what are you talking about?

Travis: “Yeah, but like, sometimes the ball, the big giant thing rolls against you and the best thing you can go for is to die–” No, there,–other people have beat Crash Bandicoot, Kenny Rogers!

Justin: “Sometimes the Crews’ gonna getcha, but you checked the mailbox earlier, and then die in your sleep–” You made it thirty seconds!

Griffin: You made it so far!

(Quiet laughter)

Justin: “

You go west and then you go north.”

Travis, slightly strained: “Use key on door, and if that doesn’t work, you die in your sleep.” No, come on, we just started Zork, come on- (Crosstalk)

Griffin: “Make the brick fly up, and make them disappear, oops you got a stack going, die in your sleep.”

(Laughter)

End transcript.]