It was very like ‘better get down in a cellar, ma, storm’s abrewing.’ I had a pretty significant change in the way that I dressed and mediated my appearance.” Eventually, Ortberg said, “I became fascinated and surprised by my own face and my appearance, I found myself looking at myself constantly and there was this desire on the one hand for no one to notice and on the other hand for someone to say ‘I know exactly what you’re doing and I’m doing it too.’ There’s something so surreal about going into my closet and finding an item of clothing I used to wear happily and enjoy how I looked in it and having none of that connection to it now. I’m wondering, how can I make decisions if I might feel that way again? I have a few items of clothing that I try on again every couple months and think ‘maybe I’ll like it again,’ like a language I used to speak. But it hasn’t happened yet.